Please, Don't Let Me Go
by bwolf0423
Summary: Shows what Toby is thinking and feeling during his reunion with Spencer on the streets of Rosewood in episode 3x12 and at other parts of the finale.
1. Please, Don't Let Me Go

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or any of the characters. If I did, Toby would clearly not be on the A-team. **

"Please, don't let me go."

The words echoed in Toby's ears, bursting with hidden meaning.

Please, don't let me go. _Just hold me. _

Please, don't let me go. _Stay in Rosewood._

Please, don't let me go. _I know I haven't been honest, but don't give up on me. _

Please, don't let me go. _I need you._

As Spencer clung to his neck, joyful from their reunion, Toby smiled and kissed her eagerly even though her words had shaken him to the core. He knew he would never be fully prepared for what was to come, but the one thing he had been counting on was Spencer's strength. It was what had kept him going these past few weeks without her, knowing that he was lying to her and betraying her in the worst possible way.

_Spencer is the strongest person I know. She doesn't need anyone. She certainly doesn't need me._

These were the words that Toby had spoken in his head like a mantra during this time away from her. He would close his eyes and repeat these words while he sat holed up in A's lair, instead of in Bucks County, where he was supposed to have been. He would chant those words when he was alone, making plans with Mona over the phone, and reprise them when his cell phone would chime with a new voicemail or message from Spencer. They were the first words he thought before falling asleep and waking up, almost as if they were inscribed on the backs of his eyelids. _Spencer is a Hastings. She'll be fine. _

He had known that her resilience would get her through and that, no matter what, she would be okay. She was Spencer Hastings, after all. Invincible. Indestructible. Unshakable. But then she looked at him with those big, brown, trusting eyes and softly murmured those five little words that nearly shattered his heart into a million little pieces. _Please, don't let me go. _And Toby damn near melted into a puddle right there in the middle of the street.

Even though he had sought out and joined the A-team as a means of protecting her, he knew there was a chance that he had lost Spencer forever. Toby knew that if she or one of the other girls should find out what he was doing, they might not accept his "working on the inside" explanation and he was prepared for those consequences. He had to be because her safety was the only thing that truly mattered. He knew that he would break without her, but putting himself back together again wasn't exactly new territory for Toby Cavanaugh. He had done it several times before. In fact, it seemed as though his life had been one long series of shattered hopes and broken hearts. Masochistic though it may have been, Toby could handle destroying himself.

Spencer, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. When she whispered those five words to him, he felt their relationship breach a whole new level. She _needed_ him. She _loved _him. He could feel those three unspoken words on the tip of her tongue, taste them as she pressed her warm mouth against his and burrowed herself more tightly into his outstretched arms. He nearly trembled beneath her touch, feeling the familiar rush of emotions that he had tried to repress over the past few weeks.

"_Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done."_

Toby nearly laughed as he thought back to those words he had spoken many months ago. In reality, it felt like a lifetime ago. At the time, he had meant them with the utmost sincerity, but so much had changed since then and he had gotten himself so much deeper into this black hole of insanity that had begun with a seemingly simple inquisition. He wanted to go back in time and shake his past self like a rag doll.

"You think THAT'S pretending?!" he wanted to scream.

_You fool, _he whispered in his head. _You had no idea what pretending was. _

He had learned a lot about pretending since then, from Mona and the other members of the A-team, and even from Spencer herself. Honesty had once been a trait that Toby prized in himself and in others. When he was younger, he had been open and sincere, which was one of the qualities that made him so vulnerable to Jenna when she had first moved into his house. She saw him as innocent and easily manipulated and she used that to her advantage. She would also tease him about it relentlessly in her condescending manner, reinforcing the idea that she was in charge and he was simply some silly little boy who knew nothing about the ways of life and needed to be instructed by someone as sophisticated as her.

"_You shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve_," she used to tell him, flirtatiously rubbing his arm. "_You'll bleed to death_."

How right she was. There was a time when Jenna had held that still-beating heart, warm to the touch and wet with blood, in the palm of her hand and squeezed until all its life was extinguished. He could picture that shriveled heart in his head and the image was always something morbid. His blood, streaming out of the tiny, decimated heart like strips of crimson silk. Jenna, standing in front of him with fire burning in her eyes, painting the blood over her lips until they were stained red, like a child's after eating a popsicle. Jenna, scattering the remaining pieces of his heart into the wind, smiling devilishly as she reminded him that she owned him.

Toby closed his eyes, shaking himself free of the memory of her. Jenna may have been the one to destroy him, but Spencer had put him back together again. She had let him in and trusted him, something that he knew was difficult for her. Besides Emily, Hanna, and Aria, Spencer didn't trust anyone. Not even her own family. But she had placed her faith in Toby and saw the good in him, something that he hadn't thought anyone in that town would ever be able to see in him again. Slowly, she had helped him to mend. Theirs was a story of love and redemption and he knew that he would have gone to the ends of the world to protect Spencer and risk everything in the process, if it only meant that she would be safe.

And so the ever honest Toby was swept under the rug and a new Toby Cavanaugh was born, one who could lie and deceive without blinking an eye. He may have been a version of himself that he loathed, but if he could save Spencer's life, he knew it was worth it. He had no regrets, but finally seeing Spencer for the first time in several weeks, he saw what he had been too blind to see before.

She may have been Spencer Hastings, smart, strong, and fiercely independent, but she was also human and she trusted him with her whole heart. And he, Toby, would be the person who broke it.

**A/N: Okay, so I'd just like to say that I have so many feelings about Spoby! I literally cried real tears during the midsummer finale (and I'm not ashamed!) I wrote this with the intention of Toby joining the A-Team post 3x08 to infiltrate it and break it down from the inside, no matter how flawed or doomed that theory is. I still can't admit that he is truly evil and faking everything because it just doesn't make sense with his character arc. Sure, he's justified, but we were led to believe that Toby doesn't have a vindictive bone in his body and that he would never hurt anyone simply because they had hurt him first. He's better than that and I hope the writers don't just throw away that beautiful story line of blooming trust and redemption for the shock value. Anyway, rant over! I meant for this to be a one-shot, but I might write more to go along with it if I get inspired. Tell me what you think. **


	2. Firsts and Lasts

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars. If I did, Keegan would be required to never wear a shirt. I also do not own the few song lyrics in this chapter. Those are from the song **_**In My Veins**_** by Andrew Belle. **

"Are you sure?"

As Toby heard the words leave his lips, he allowed himself to wonder for a moment how exactly he had gotten himself in this place and situation. After he and Spencer had reunited in the streets of Rosewood she had led him back to her house in comfortable silence, pausing now and again to lace her fingers with his or to rest her face in the soft hollow between his shoulder and neck. He could sense that she was frightened and anxious and it nearly killed him that he couldn't just comfort her and soothe her worries. Even though he knew that she was thinking about Paige and the new A, Toby could not let on that he knew exactly what Spencer's fears were stemming from.

Once upon a time it had been Spencer who told the lies and kept secrets from him.

Now it was the other way around.

She had been straddling him on the red couch in her bedroom, kissing him fervently as though her life depended on it and running her hands seductively over his torso, practically begging him to give her what she wanted. And Toby wanted to please her, possibly more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life. But he knew that it wasn't right, at least not in this moment.

He loved Spencer and he had wanted their first time to be something magical and perfect, like out of a fairytale. Of course, Toby knew more than anyone that fairytales weren't real, but he had wanted their first time to be special for Spencer, especially since it was her first time ever. It should have been complete with candles and soft music, but most importantly, it should have been with a person who could be honest with her.

It should have been everything that his first time was not.

_Nothing goes as planned. _

Toby nearly shuddered with the thought of it, but managed to push the image of Jenna to the back recesses of his mind, focusing instead on the beautiful girl who sat in front of him, her eyes pleading with him to love her and give her a sense of intimacy and sanctuary that she had never in her entire life been able to feel. And even though he knew that it was wrong, he also knew that nobody would ever love Spencer as much as he did, for his feelings for her were the kind that were wholly consuming. After all, he was making the ultimate sacrifice for her, even if she would never know or truly understand everything that he had done to ensure her safety.

_Everything will break. _

And so he willed himself to shut his brain off for a moment, thinking and acting with his heart, which almost made him nostalgic for the old Toby, the quiet dreamer who knew nothing of this world of bitterness, murder, and plans of sabotage. He kissed her back like he had nothing to hide, knowing that even though it was wrong, it was somehow right. The timing may have been wrong and the situation may have been wrong. Hell, the entire world was probably wrong. But the one thing that had always been right was Toby and Spencer and their love for each other.

And it was his confidence in that love that caused him to murmur, "Are you sure?", even though he already knew what her answer would be.

It may have been selfish, but Toby knew that this could be one of his last "normal" days with Spencer and he needed to prove to her that his love for her was very much real. Words and gestures, perhaps, could be faked, but this level of passion and intimacy could only be genuine and Toby wanted her to be able to remember this moment in the future when he knew that she would doubtlessly have her suspicions about him.

_This might be the only chance you'll ever have to really BE with her_, he thought.

Those words clanged through his head as loudly as though somebody had smashed a pair of cymbals together right beside his ears. He had always known that he was risking a lot, but it had never been quite as clear to him as it was in that moment. But as he gazed into her deep chocolate eyes, he knew that she was worth it. Spencer had always been worth it and Toby was willing to spend the rest of his life trying to prove that to her.

"Yes," Spencer whispered, interrupting his inner monologue. Her voice sounded happy and eager and she looked up at him with eyes that were brimming with trust, desire, and adoration. And any guilt or reservations that Toby might have had about making love to her were washed away in that one glance.

_People say goodbye in their own special way. _

The word of affirmation had barely left Spencer's lips before Toby pressed his mouth against hers with as much passion and hunger as he could muster and lifted her clear off of her feet. Her legs naturally moved to wrap around his waist and she giggled slightly, a coquettish sound that made his heart quite nearly leap out of his chest in excitement. She kissed him thoroughly, slipping her tongue into his mouth and massaging it with his, all the while gazing up at him trustfully as he carried her to the bed. As Toby set her down, Spencer began to undress him, removing his shirt and proceeding to lower her lips to the soft, supple skin at the nape of his neck, leaving behind a trail of kisses that burned into his flesh like fire.

Although he was reveling in the ecstasy of her womanly touch, Toby briefly wondered how he could swallow the fact that he was lying and deceiving this amazing woman that knelt before him, this person that had single-handedly transformed his entire life. Still, he was also aware that he had never before in his life been as real and vulnerable as he was right now and, what with all the pretending that he had been forced to do lately, he was grateful that he could be himself in this time and place.

_All that you rely on and all that you could fake will leave you in the morning, come find you in the day._

His thoughts became fuzzier as Spencer scooted backwards onto the bed, looking at him with her seductive, come-hither eyes. Toby slowly began to unbutton her shirt, his breath hitching in his throat at the sight of the creamy skin that was revealed, territory that had been uncharted up to this point. He slipped the shirt off of her shoulders and pushed it away, his eyes, mouth, and hands greedy for every bit of her that he could see, taste, and touch. He gently slid on top of her and kissed her again, ravenously this time, pressing his body flush against hers in a wanting manner. Spencer responded in kind, dragging her hands down his body quite unabashedly until they reached his belt buckle and she playfully pulled at it with her fingertips, undoing it while she kissed him fiercely.

Toby looked into her eyes one last time, as though confirming that this was what she truly wanted and she met his gaze with a powerful look of unwavering trust and certainty. This was not only what she wanted, but what they both needed and had been craving for months, and so Toby forgot his troubles for the time being and lost himself in Spencer's body, drinking in the feel of her curves, the sweetness of her lips, the way she softly breathed his name when he gently nibbled the tender flesh at the base of her throat.

_Oh, you're in my veins and I cannot get you out. Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth. _

Their bodies moved together as though they had done this a thousand times before, fitting together naturally and rising and falling in unison. Afterwards, Toby pulled Spencer into his arms, where she rested her head against him, peacefully closing her eyes and basking in the afterglow of what she hoped had been the first of many wonderful times. Toby, on the other hand, was thinking of what Spencer's reaction would be when she discovered that he had been working for the A-team and was concentrating on trying to keep his tears from falling into the silken locks of her hair that were splayed across his chest. As much as he hoped that she would one day understand just how much he had given up for her and forgive him, Toby couldn't fight the fear that their expression of love hadn't been a beginning of sorts, but an ending. A goodbye.

_Everything will change._

_Nothing stays the same._

_Nobody is perfect._

_But everyone's to blame. _

**A/N: Soooo…I guess this isn't a one-shot after all. Lol. We'll see where it goes from here. I have some ideas, but they might change. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter and let me know what you think!**


	3. How to Say I Love You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars. If I did, I would have lots of money and much nicer things. :)**

"Did you get that job in Bucks County just to get away from me?" Spencer asked.

Toby looked at her as he shrugged on his leather jacket, quickly trying to formulate some sort of response that would appease her for the time being. He knew that Spencer was feeling exposed and vulnerable and he felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over him, for it was a side of herself that she always tried to hide from everyone except those few people that were in her inner circle. She stood there, wearing nothing but his t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts, looking up into his face and asking him that question with a slight tone of fear in her voice, almost as though she regretted what had just taken place in her bedroom. She never would have said it out loud, but Toby could tell what she was thinking and feeling. He had always been a man of few words, which made him even more attuned to the emotions of others, and he was especially good at reading Spencer's mind; they were from the same mold, she and him.

Although Toby and Spencer were extremely different on the surface and in their interests and temperaments, their similarities ran deep at the core. They were both wounded and each had already been through a lot of tragedy in their young lives, as well as the fact that neither could really rely on their families. They both also had trust issues, for obvious reasons, which was why Toby wasn't offended in the slightest when he heard the faint tremor in Spencer's voice and saw the anxiety shining through her dark eyes. He understood her fear all too well, knowing that she didn't _truly_ regret making love to him, but was simply worried that he would leave and she would be alone again, a place and a feeling that she had had to experience all her life. After all, rarely had something good ever come her way without being snatched away again at the last second.

Nothing had ever come easy for the two of them, separately and in their relationship, which was why they had both been content to move slowly and explore each other at leisure. But now that they had taken that huge step and given each other everything, there was no going back; it was a scary feeling for both of them, no matter how in love they were. It was a strange moment for Toby, a mixture of elation and unease, so he knew that Spencer must be feeling the same way and he felt all the worse for it. All she wanted, all she needed, was a word of confirmation from him, an assertion that he wasn't going anywhere and that she would never have to be alone again if she didn't want to be. She needed peace of mind and he had to give it to her.

"I know it looks that way," he replied. "But no."

He had tried to reassure her in the vaguest way possible, hoping that she would accept his answer for what it was and not ask him to elaborate. It was true enough, after all. Whatever it might look like to Spencer, he needed her in his life and could never purposely want to be away from her. Similarly, he knew that if she ever found out what he was doing, it wouldn't be what it looked like.

_Oh, Spencer_, he thought. _I wish I could be honest with you. I wish I could tell you everything, but I still haven't found enough out yet. I wish I could go back in time and stop this before it had ever started. I want to tell you everything, but it's still not safe. _

_It's still not safe_, he thought.

Not too long ago, she had said those exact same words to him and had hoped that he would accept it without investigating further. How quickly the tables had turned. It was this memory, however, that gave him a glimmer of hope, something tangible to hold onto through the darkness. Spencer was no stranger to lying in order to protect someone she loved; perhaps she would understand. Maybe someday they would get through this and finally be together in the way that they had always wanted, unencumbered by lies and threats, no longer haunted by their pasts.

"Are you going back?" she asked, still seemingly worried and distressed.

Toby's heart filled with love for her and a desire to protect her no matter what the cost, and he knew that he was doing the right thing. Even if Spencer never forgave him for the lies, she couldn't ever deny that he had done everything in his power to look after her and fight for her. She would never have admitted it, but she _needed_ his love and protection.

"Spencer," he responded, his voice brimming with adoration. "I'm exactly where I need to be."

Truer words had never been spoken, and even though Spencer wasn't aware of the heavy meaning behind those words, she appeared to be appeased as she lifted her face to capture his lips in a searing kiss. Toby moved his lips against hers gently and lovingly, trying to express everything he had ever felt for her in that one kiss. They broke apart and he softly rubbed his nose against hers, hoping it would convey everything he wanted to tell her without words. He couldn't trust words at a time like this; goodness knows what might come spilling out of his mouth if she pressed him hard enough. Kisses and gestures, however, were safer territory. Still, there was one thing that he couldn't bring himself to walk out the door without saying.

"I love you," he said, gazing deeply into her eyes, his voice uttering those three words with more emotion than he ever had before.

Spencer looked back at him, her gaze unfaltering.

"I love you too," she replied.

And there it was. She had finally said the words that had taken her so long to get out.

_I love you_ _too._

Sure, she had implied it several times before, but never in such a straightforward way. The first time that Toby had told her that he loved her, she had responded with "I wanted to say that first," which had been a very clever way of admitting her feelings and protecting her heart at the same time. When he had approached her after Mona had been discovered as A, stating, "Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done," she had simply kissed him passionately, showing him, but not telling him, that she felt the same way.

Hearing it out of her mouth was something different altogether. It had been so long since somebody had said those words to him and looked at him with such tender care. Not since his mother's passing, in fact. Those simple words caused him to become undone and he could do nothing but lightly kiss her forehead and pull her into him, hoping that if he held her tightly enough, the rest of the world would stop and he would never have to let her go.

But the world couldn't stop just for the two of them and Toby knew that he had to meet up with Mona soon if he stood any chance of holding her trust. She had something planned and he knew that it was going to be a busy night. A flicker of guilt flashed through his eyes as he thought of himself with Mona, while Spencer and her friends were somewhere else, presumably in danger that he himself could possibly be setting up for them. He blinked roughly in order to stifle the waterfall of emotion that was threatening to spill out of him.

_Better you than anyone else_, he thought.

At least he would somewhat be able to control what happened to them and attempt to protect them while doing so. It would be a risky job, but Toby had little concern for his own safety. He smiled slightly down at Spencer in an attempt to soothe her before moving towards the door. He knew that if he didn't leave now, he would stay there with her forever and never look back. But she would always be in danger and he would never know why or truly be able to do anything about it, which was a thought that he couldn't bear.

And so he looked at Spencer one more time and finally opened the door, heading out into what he knew could quite possibly become a storm.

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I know that most of this story has been largely introspective, but that's just really how I see Toby's character. As I said in this chapter, he's a man of few words, but that makes it even more amazing that he is such a complex character. He's been through so much and you just know that there is a lot going on in his head, even if he's not saying it. Also, I'm sure you guys have noticed that the format of the chapters have all been the same: a reflection on a scene that has actually happened in the show. However, since I began this story with the last episode, I'm running out of scenes to write about (because, initially, I thought this would be a one-shot) so I think this story will eventually have an original plot, even if that doesn't necessarily work with the format that I set up for the first few chapters. Let me know what you think about that. I'm totally on board because that means the story can eventually get happier and I can stop wallowing in Spoby depression for at least a little while. In my mind, Spoby will ALWAYS be endgame. Next chapter will probably bring more action and info on how Toby was able to join the A-team in the first place. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think!**


	4. The Beginning of Something

**A/N: Okay, so most of this chapter is a flashback, except for the bits at the beginning and end that aren't in italics. The present time is during the finale and the flashback takes place shortly after 3x08 when Toby tells Spencer that he is going to go looking for answers. Enjoy! Also, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I super appreciate it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars. If I did, Spoby would not break my heart every single effing season. **

"Change of plans."

As Toby heard the words leave Mona's lips, he felt the same wave of disgust ripple through his body that he experienced every time Mona spoke to him. Every time she assumed that the two of them were allies, he wanted to scream at her, to proclaim his love for Spencer from the rooftops. But that would have been a very stupid thing to do.

"What's changed?" Toby asked, being careful to keep his voice as impassive as possible.

"We need to frame Paige tonight. Garrett needs to be released from prison if any of this is going to work out the way we want it to. I have Maya's cell phone. Now all you need to do is plant it on Paige and poor little Emily will be wondering how she got it. And her friends will be there to convince her of Paige's crime with their little seeds of suspicion."

Mona snickered derisively at the thought of Emily's heartache and Toby had to physically fight the urge to hit her. He wondered if what he was doing would ever be enough to save Spencer and if he would ever be able to dig himself out of this deep hole that he had landed in. He almost wished he could go back to the beginning, when attempting to convince Mona of his loyalty to her and the A-team had been his biggest problem.

* * *

_"Now, which patient did you say you were here to visit, sweetheart?" asked the secretary at Radley's Sanitarium, sweeping her eyes over Toby with a friendly smile. _

"_Mona Vanderwaal," Toby replied after a moment's hesitation, carefully keeping his voice as quiet as possible and pulling his hood even further over his face to avoid being seen by anyone else. He wasn't supposed to be here, or even be in Rosewood for that matter. If everything were to go according to his plans, he couldn't risk anyone noticing him or asking questions. _

_He was led down a long, white hallway before stopping outside a door, a completely normal looking door which presumably led to a completely normal looking room. But knowing what was behind that door made Toby shudder involuntarily and he had to take a deep breath to collect himself before slowly turning the knob and entering the room; the time for turning back had come and gone. He took a couple of steps forward and let the door close behind him with a resounding thud before allowing his eyes to settle upon the only other person in the room. _

_Mona was sitting on the edge of her bed, dressed in a white hospital gown and staring vacantly at the wall behind him. Toby continued to move toward her, albeit rather tentatively, but she still didn't glance in his direction. In fact, she didn't appear to even notice that there was another person in the room. Toby couldn't help but wonder if this was all a part of her game. He sincerely hoped it was, for Mona was the only link that he had to what was happening to Spencer and the girls and he needed her to still be involved with it all. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a clue where to look next. _

_Toby moved so that he was standing directly in Mona's line of vision, his bright blue eyes locking with her empty brown ones. Being this close to her, he felt a surge of emotions course through his body. He felt as though he should hate her completely for everything that she had done to Spencer, Emily, Hanna, and Aria. After all, she had tortured, blackmailed, and nearly killed the love of his life, his best friend, and two girls who he had also come to consider friends, for close to a year. Hell, he should have hated her for everything that she had done to HIM. She was the reason that Spencer had broken up with him and pushed him away, leaving him feeling as though his heart had been stampeded upon. And he certainly couldn't forget that dangerous fall that had landed him in the hospital and very nearly broken his neck. Remembering all of these things, Toby knew that hatred was the only sentiment that he should have felt toward Mona. But here, in this forlorn place, with the gleaming white lights shining down upon her haggard face, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for her. _

_He remembered the Mona that had existed before Alison had died, although he had been a grade above her and they hadn't had any classes together. He had known her in the way that people tend to recognize each other when they are victims of the same predator, even if only to exchange looks of sympathy in the hallways or breathe sighs of relief when it is another person's turn to be tortured. Toby knew better than anyone what Ali's torment must have done to her because he had experienced it himself and he knew what it had done to him. For so long, he had been a recluse, trusting no one and sleepwalking through school, calling the day a success if he could make it through without being harassed by anyone and simply retreat to his bedroom to blast his headphones for the rest of the night. _

_He was aware that Mona had endured similar treatment during Alison's reign, due to her clothes and appearance, and Ali's method of bullying people never stopped at a few nasty comments. Once her teeth had sunk into you, she couldn't just relinquish her hold at the first sight of drawn blood. She kept feeding until she had completely drained her prey of everything they had. It didn't matter how much hatred or rebellion or fight they had simmering in their bones; Alison could stamp that out of anyone with the heels of her Prada stilettos and not even break a sweat in the process. _

_Toby knew all this about Mona's past and he also knew that she wasn't like him. She couldn't just let it all go and try to move past everything that had happened to her; the abuse had taken its toll on her, turning her head until the only way she could cope was through revenge, but the effect that this revenge had had on her was drastic. The new Mona was a sight to behold, a far cry from the "It-Girl" that she had morphed into the year after Ali's death. Her hair lay limp and greasy around her shoulders, somewhat matted in the places where it curled the most. Her skin was a ghostly pale and she looked emaciated, as though she had been eating nothing but pills for weeks. Her eyes were sunken in her face as she stared at nothing and her breath came in sharp little gasps. The change in her was astounding._

_This certainly didn't excuse everything that she had done over the past year, however, and so Toby forced himself to turn off the minuscule part of his brain that wanted to feel a tiny bit sorry for her. If she was truly the one that was still behind what was continuing to happen to his friends, she didn't deserve his pity anyway. She had tortured and hurt Spencer. HIS Spencer. Toby tried to push that thought from his mind because, if he couldn't afford to feel empathy toward Mona, he certainly couldn't afford to think about Spencer right now. She was his vulnerability, his weakness, but she was also the reason he was here and if he was going to be able to protect her in the only way he knew how, he needed to play it right. He willed himself to flip off the switch that connected him to his emotions, his humanity, and stood in front of Mona with a new fire in his eyes. _

"_Mona," he said softly, looking her right in the eye. "It's Toby. Toby Cavanaugh." _

_She continued to stare behind him blankly, refusing to respond to his greeting or even look at him. _

"_Mona," Toby repeated, his tone becoming more forceful. "I know that you can hear me, so please don't pretend that you can't."_

_When this still did not garner any sort of acknowledgement from her, he sighed deeply and dragged his hands over his face in frustration, deciding he needed to change tactics. After a moment's hesitation, he moved forward and sat next to her on the bed, gently putting his hand on her shoulder. At his touch, Mona flinched very slightly, betraying herself. At her movement, Toby turned her face to his with his other hand, searching her face for a sign that she was listening. She blinked in spite of herself and he watched as her eyes came back into focus, taking him in silently. _

"_I bet you don't have a lot of visitors who are just here to see how you're doing and hoping you get better," he told her. "That must be hard."_

_She continued to look at him impassively, but didn't say anything back. _

"_I know you're probably wondering why I care or why I'm even here," Toby continued, "but you should know that I DO care. I know the kind of torment that Alison inflicted on you while she was alive because she did the same thing to me. I understand how you feel. I know how it is to be an outcast and to think you're alone in the world." _

_He felt a stab of pain as he referenced his past, a feeling that he quickly tried to subdue. He needed to get a hold of himself. Breathe in. Breathe out. He could do this. _

"_I know how it is to feel hatred and to want….revenge."_

_Revenge. The word tasted bitter on his tongue, but it was all part of the charade that he needed to keep up in order to convince Mona that he was on her side. _

_He didn't break eye contact with Mona as he said it and he noticed a feline look begin to spark in her brown eyes. _

"_What do you mean by 'revenge'?" she asked quietly, finally speaking to him. _

"_I'm talking about Alison's friends," he responded darkly. "Emily, Aria, Hanna. Spencer." _

_The last name caused a lump to form in his throat, but he pressed on, ignoring it. _

"_Her clique, her inner circle, her coven, if you will. They stood by and watched while Ali very nearly destroyed my entire life and they deserve to pay. I know you've done some things to them, but it isn't enough. It will never be enough to make up for what they did to me."_

_Mona looked him dead in the eye before answering. _

"_You're kidding me, right?" she asked, with her old attitude returning to her voice. "What makes you think that I believe you? You're dating Miss Goody Two-Shows and you're friends with the Girl-Kisser. I know everything, remember?"_

"_Yeah, well what you don't know is what a good actor I can be," Toby responded fiercely. "Why do you think I wanted to get close to them in the first place? Payback. I just wish I had known what you were doing before you got locked up in here. I could have helped you. We could have worked together."_

"_I don't work with little boys," Mona hissed vehemently. "Which is exactly what you are if you think your words are going to have any sort of effect on me."_

"_Don't be stupid, Mona," Toby responded, moving even closer to her on the bed. "You need help, you and whoever else is behind this. I can help you. And I'm close with Spencer and Emily, and I'm also the last person in the world that they would suspect. You need someone like me. Let me help."_

_Mona looked at him for a moment, frowning. "What makes you think I even care about torturing them anymore?" she asked. _

"_Come on," Toby laughed. "I'm dating Spencer, remember? I see how weird she's been acting, I notice how her face falls whenever she gets a message from whoever the new A is. I know it's not over. I also know that you have to still be involved. You wouldn't give up that easily."_

_Mona smirked slightly. "You want to help," she said condescendingly. "Just like you helped your sister out of her clothes so many times?"_

_Toby reeled back from her, hurt flashing through his eyes. He should have expected her to bring that up, but it didn't mean that he was any more prepared for it. He managed to swallow down the vast amount of hatred that he felt for Mona in that moment, forcing himself to take a deep breath and continue on as though she had never made the cruel remark in the first place. _

"_You need to trust me," he countered. "You need all the help you can get, especially while you're locked up in here. You can't deny that. Whatever these other people on the outside are asking you to do, I can help you with it. Let me be a part of the team." _

"_Give me one good reason why I should trust you," Mona replied with a snarl. _

_Toby laughed shortly. _

"_I can give you a lot more than one," he responded drily. "Like I said before, Ali tormented me in the same way that she did to you. Probably worse, actually."_

_Toby paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "And her friends," he continued, saying that last word as though it were laced with poison, "helped her." _

_Mona cocked her head to one side to show him that she was listening. _

"_I know that you know the truth about what really happened the night Jenna was blinded," Toby said quietly. "Ali's friends watched her as she threw those fireworks into my garage and never tried to stop her. Then they all pointed their fingers at me, forcing me to take the blame for what they had done, alienating me from my father and getting me sent away to reform school for an entire year."_

_Toby took a deep breath, trying to find the energy to continue. It still hurt talking about that night and everything that had happened to him because of it. His relationship with his father had never been great, but the man could barely look him in the eye after the accident. Toby knew, however, that if he hadn't taken the blame for the prank, Ali would have exposed his "relationship" with Jenna, which surely would have gotten him kicked out of his house for good. _

"_I'm listening," Mona said, urging him to continue. _

"_My point is," Toby went on, "do you really think that I could forget that so easily? Do you really think that I could FORGIVE that so easily?"_

_The truth was, he had forgiven all of the girls for the fire a long time ago. While Ali had been alive, they had been nothing but her puppets, and she had tortured them nearly as much as she had everyone else. The girls were victims, too. Toby knew that, which had given him no choice but to forgive. He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, but couldn't help remembering one little detail from that night that he hadn't thought about in a while._

"_Do you know that Spencer was there when Ali blackmailed me into taking the blame for the fire?" he murmured. "She stood by the side of the street, watching us, not doing anything about it. Her parents probably could have bought her and her friends off without even community service, but she still let me get framed for it, knowing it could destroy my life."_

_In reality, Spencer had had no idea what was going on. She had assumed that Toby was the sort of person that Alison had always led them to believe he was: a creepy Peeping Tom, who deserved any ramifications that he got. She didn't know him then and he didn't know her. Still, remembering her involvement was painful, mostly because he knew the guilt that she still felt over it. He may have forgiven her a long time ago, but that didn't necessarily mean that Spencer had forgiven herself. _

"_Forgiving people isn't easy," Mona interjected. "Hanna was my best friend for nearly two years, but I still thought she needed to pay for watching me suffer and for deserting me later. When Aria came back into town, she started hanging out with her old friends again, pretty much forgetting about me. They all deserve everything I did to them," she finished, her eyes glittering with malice. _

"_I get exactly where you're coming from," Toby told her, even though he really didn't. Revenge had never been a part of his nature; he hadn't wanted to torture anyone, even if they had tortured him first. He had really just wanted to be left alone. But he needed to sympathize with Mona and convince her that they were the same and that she could trust him. _

"_When I returned from reform school, I thought that I could just go back to living my normal life, but Alison's friends got in the way of that. They accused me of murder, which pretty much ostracized me from everyone in the entire town. Then, in the midst of it all, they found proof that I wasn't truly her killer, but they never stood up for me."_

_Toby had to blink back tears, his emotion coming from a very real place at this point. "They knew that I didn't kill her, Mona," he stated quite dramatically, "and they still let me go to JAIL. If the evidence hadn't gotten distorted, who knows how long they would have let me stay there? Probably for the rest of my life," he finished, bitingly. _

_But Spencer wouldn't have let that happen. They had become close at that point and she was searching for answers. She would have eventually found a way to save him, which was just one of the many things that were so great about her. She may have been wrong about him in the beginning, but once she changed her mind about a person, she never looked back. She was determined and fiercely loyal; she would have fought for him, just as he was resolved to do for her. Thinking about Spencer filled him with encouragement and he pushed forward into his next lie. _

"_Why do you think I even started dating Spencer in the first place?" Toby asked, a smirk growing in the corner of his mouth. "When she showed up on my doorstep for the first time, there was nothing I wanted to do more than throw her off my front porch. But I knew that I had a chance to get even if I could just play it right. I knew that if I could get her to trust me and become my friend, I could mess with her head."_

_Toby remembered the moment that she had shown up to tutor him as though it were yesterday. He had been surprised to see her and had felt rather guarded, but mostly just curious. She had told him that she believed he was innocent and that she thought they could help each other. They had bantered in French, sharing a few laughs that had meant the world to Toby, for he honestly couldn't remember the last time he had laughed with a friend at that point in time. He hated sharing that memory with Mona and distorting it into something ugly, but he knew he had to continue. _

"_And then she slowly became more than my friend," Toby said, grinning evilly, a movement that felt completely foreign to his face. "She fell for me and I tried my hardest to convince her that I was falling for her, too. She bought it, of course," he stated smugly, "because it's a year later and here we are." _

"_Well," Mona responded, smirking slightly, "I must say, I'm impressed. I didn't think you had it in you. But I have to ask. Now that you have her, what are you planning to do with her? As far as I can see, you haven't been anything other than the perfect boyfriend. What exactly are you waiting for?"_

"_Ali and her friends took everything from me," he replied softly. "But Spencer hasn't given me everything yet. That's what I've been waiting for."_

_Toby nearly made himself sick with the implication of what he was saying. He hadn't quite thought this all through and so the words that tumbled from his mouth were a desperate man's last attempt at proving himself. It was true that he and Spencer hadn't taken their relationship to next level yet, but that was for both their sakes. She wanted to wait until she was physically prepared; he, on the other hand, had wanted to wait until he was emotionally prepared. His first and last sexual experiences had been anything but loving, and so Toby was just as content as Spencer to take things slowly, but hearing these choices ridiculed on the tip of his very own tongue was almost more than he could bear. _

"_So that was your plan all along?" Mona asked, grinning patronizingly at him. "Love her and leave her? Pretty amateur."_

"_I know," Toby replied. "It really wasn't that solid of a plan. That's where you come in. I need your help just as much as you need mine. Don't you get it? Screwing with Spencer's feelings doesn't matter to me anymore. These girls destroyed me and they still don't feel any remorse. They deserve worse."_

_Toby gulped involuntarily, feeling a chill run through his body as he concluded his statement. "Broken bones instead of broken hearts," he sneered wickedly. _

_He and Mona stared at each other in silence for a long moment before she finally responded. "I think we can arrange something," she replied. "But you're going to have to do some things first…to prove yourself."_

"_I can do that," Toby said firmly. _

"_Come back tomorrow then," Mona told him. _

_Toby merely nodded before standing up. He took a few steps away from her before turning back and looking at her one more time. She was already in the same pose that she had been in when he had first entered the room, sitting stoically on the bed while her empty eyes gazed at some unknown object in the far-off distance. He left the room and immediately breathed a sigh of relief, pressing his face against the coldness of the wall in the empty corridor. He felt relieved that he had pulled this off, but at the same time he was more afraid than he had ever been in his life. He just needed to find out who else was involved in this game and what they were planning to do next. If he was aware of what was going on, if he was involved in what was going on, maybe he could stop it. _

_But he couldn't help but shudder as he wondered what exactly Mona would ask him to do in order to prove his loyalty. _

* * *

"Where did you even get Maya's cell phone anyway?" Toby asked, as Mona placed it into his palm.

"I can't tell you all my secrets, now can I?" she laughed. "Leave something to the imagination."

Toby took a deep breath in order to relax his nerves, willing himself not to throttle her on the spot.

Mona sighed impatiently. "You know, we wouldn't even have to go through all this if the real killer would just fess up. But I guess that's not likely."

Toby stopped in the middle of the room, staring at her.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "You know who the real killer is?"

Mona waved her hand as though she was bored. "I thought you knew by now that I know everything," she sighed. "Poor Emily. I hope Nate doesn't kill her, too. I've grown rather fond of playing with her."

As Mona left the room, Toby felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. He knew that Emily was with Nate now; they had gone out of town in order to get away from the chaos of Garret's trial. He had to do something to warn her. If he didn't, he would never be able to forgive himself.

_Yes_, he thought, as he reached frantically for one of the A-team's many phones. _I'm in way too deep. _

**A/N: So that was a bit longer than the other chapters, wasn't it? Guess I got carried away. If some of you aren't convinced that the A-team would accept Toby that easily, I'm with you on that one. It will all play out in due course. Thank you for reading and please review! Tell me what you liked and where you hope this story will go. **


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